Ghoulies (1984)

Tagline: ‘They’ll get you in the end’
UK Running Time: 81 Minutes

Film Quality: 2/5
Gore Content: 1.5/5
Entertainment Value: 2/5
Originality: 2/5

Introduction

I can only imagine that this was inspired in some way by the smash hit Joe Dante movie ‘Gremlins’ with its mix of comedy, horror and little monsters that go “Grrrrrrrrrr” a lot but somewhere along the way they forgot to put in the horror, comedy and replace it with lots of little monsters that go “Grrrrrrrrr” a lot, terrorising some of the most irritating teens ever to plague the screen. That said it was a massive hit on home video and spawned no less than three sequels so it must have something about it, no?

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

In a nutshell

A twenty something teen moves into his father’s house and becomes obsessed with some spiritual, ritualistic stuff that he finds with his friends in the cellar. Believing he can summon up supernatural powers and find the truth about his father he dabbles in the demonism and unwittingly releases the titular ‘Ghoulies’ and a couple of dwarves. By the end of the film he (and most of the audience) were asking themselves the question ‘where did it all go wrong?’.

What’s good about it?

Well, it’s only 81 minutes long which, given the quality on show, is a bonus. So far on this blog I’ve reviewed films that I’d seen before and enjoyed so this is something new. I only watched it a few days ago after it appeared on Netflix UK and I vaguely remember seeing the video cover way back in the 80s and it stuck in my mind. As a consequence I have no nostalgic bias so I can see how a film such as this would have gained some affection. It certainly ticks a lot of the boxes I would have looked for back then. It was accessible, not too scary or gory so as to be a threat to my young sensibilities so it would have been a neat little introduction to horror movies.

The ‘Ghoulies’ themselves are quite funny, to start off with. One of them in particular looks a bit like a smaller version of the giant turd that ‘Chet’ turns into close to the end of ‘Weird Science’! I suppose they are quite menacing in a ‘Yorkshire Terrier’ sort of way and they are grotesque but they don’t really do much other than go “Grrrrrrrr” a lot.

Not a winning look...

What it does have during one standout scene is a wonderfully sexy turn from Bobbie Bresee who, a quick glance at IMDB will tell you, is a former Playboy Bunny. She plays a demonic temptress who seduces one of our moronic teens before turning into a monstrous being which strangles him with her tongue. Most of the rest of the threat in the film comes from our lead moronic teen overacting during his satanic ritual but that doesn’t take away from what, for me, is the standout moment of the movie!

What about the bad?

Any film where the makers felt that adding a scene involving a Ghoulie jumping out of a toilet was necessary during post-production to improve the final cut really doesn’t have a lot going for it. The acting is less convincing than a Scot trying to kick his drinking habit and the special effects make ‘Bagpuss’ look like ‘The Return of the King’. It’s as frightening as a summer meadow, as funny as a kick in the happy sacks and the production values are as low as a snake doing a limbo dance wearing a top hat. To put it into context, this is a poor man’s ‘Critters’…does that sound good?

Any themes?

Some things are best left well alone and anyone who’s ever seen an 80s horror movie really should know that if you find a load of satanic ritualistic paraphernalia left in a basement, it’s probably been left there for a reason! Also, if your Dad was hell bent on becoming an all-powerful overlord by using your youth as a vessel then he probably isn’t worth knowing.

Release History

Nothing too contentious, it was originally cut by around 12 seconds in the US to achieve a PG-13 rating. It’s likely that this was the same version passed in the UK as ‘15’ and has had blu rays releases with a director commentary from Luca Bercovi and a short retrospective making of. It did spawn three sequels, certainly the second one seems to have garnered much better reviews, set in a theme park and featuring much more carnage than the very tame first one. I can see how that would work better as the grotesque and funny/sinister, almost clown like nature of the Ghoulies would be a more natural fit to a carnival or fairground setting than the mansion we get in the first film.

Cultural Impact

Apparently, it received a number of complaints from parent groups upset that the poster put their children off going to the toilet! The artwork for the poster is a great example of the VHS era where the promise of the trailer, poster or video cover was often far better than the actual pay off of the feature, so much so that I was convinced I’d seen the film before I sat down and watched it but clearly hadn’t. I refuse to believe that my brain had blocked out the memory on purpose…even my own mind wouldn’t force me to watch this twice!

It’s worth saying at this point that the original plot was that of the main character going back to stay with his grandfather to find that the little beasties (the original title was ‘Beasties’) that were the subject of his stories were actually real. I find it a real shame that they didn’t go with this idea as it has much more scope for scare and humour whilst still appealing to a younger audience. The plot they went for is just too hammy for me and doesn’t work.

"You're fired!!!"

Final Thoughts

My last blog featured ‘Bad Taste’ which cost around $200,000 once the New Zealand Film Commission grant is taken into account. This one was $1million and you really do wonder what on earth they spent it on! It’s not a good film but then I approached it as a an adult who grew up in the VHS era rather than a teen (or even pre-teen) during the VHS era so missed out on the effect it might have had on me before I’d seen much better films. I can see the appeal, I really can, as there are lots of bad films that I would happily watch again because of the nostalgia. Unfortunately you can’t get that innocence and ignorance back and it just didn’t connect with my present day self in the way it might have in 1984.

Memorable Quote

Dick: “They call me Dick, but you can call me……..Dick.”

You’ll like this if you enjoyed…

‘Troll’, ‘Munchies’, ‘Critters’, tearing out the fingernails from your own hands